Chilling to the bone...almost epic in it's (their) search for reality.
Like an invisible wall or a virus of heart.... Keeping one away from dreams or merely an open door.
It's compelling, the format fits and strangely intensifies its messege| meaning. It almost brings about a paining | yearning feeling that one must be free for themselves. The words may be small, but they peirce the flesh.
It's...beautiful, I suppose that's the word of choice.

--
What have you done? Lowest of the low, you're so beneath my contempt, you have not even a name!
You dare touch my contractor!?
You dare hurt what's mine!?

Your word choice in your commentary is so...dramatic. I like it but you don't have to...I don't know...Thank you, above all things!
I appreciate your praise and analysis.

Thank you again, for your kind words...

Sorry, if it made you uncomfortable. It was just a different approach to poetry than I've been exposed to. It wasn't meant to be overly dramatic, that's just how I read | analyze | interpret things. My level of conscienceness...is different from that of my hyper-ness.

--
What have you done? Lowest of the low, you're so beneath my contempt, you have not even a name!
You dare touch my contractor!?
You dare hurt what's mine!?

(I've told you most of this already, but it just seems /kosher/ to put something up here for the proverbial record, however dull a comment it turns out to be)

I really, really like this. You’ve captured so much with it – and it’s not even so much your typically beautiful choice of words, or your lyrical sense of time and spacing. Somehow, I can tell that you were truly inspired, writing this. I can tell that it came from something /genuine/, deep within you, that couldn’t be adequately expressed otherwise. It shows. You’re making a real connection with your reader.

But…yeah, it’s all very telling of a huge relief after feeling trapped or constricted for a long time, and it works excellently. There’s only two or three lines that I would tweak a little to make them as effective as the rest, but those are afterthoughts. It's all - to wrap up - Very, very cool.

gOOD RITING OLOL j/k j/k

(sorry for the crap comment. tell Floyd I said 'what up'.)

Thank you so much for your kind words. Truly.
Which lines did you have in mind, I'm curious to know...really.
Im not fearful of the edit, trust me...
And different levels of insight help the progression of human ideals and interpretation occur, you know?

Do tell, my friend, do tell.

Well if you're interested Bear with me, I have trouble explaining these things so they make some manner of sense with other people. and please feel free to disregard any of this as I possibly have no idea what I'm talking about.

There's just one spot, really - "the art of [...] never out of reach". It's quite awesome in itself, but it comes off to me as being in such a drastically different voice/mood from the surrounding lines that it's a bit jarring.

Beginning at "walk out that front door" until the ending, it all just /flows/, and it's got an effortless cadence and words fitting together like a weave, and it all builds up into a climax before you kind of /release/ it at the end - /phwoooah/. But it's just those aforementioned few lines - they kind of jar me away from it. It feels kind of inserted, kinda forced.

but - if I skip it and read it this way:
----------
Walk out that from door
And sing to the sky
In any key you like
Let the mother wrap her arms around you
and just be
Feel her pulse
beat beat
beatbeat
{...}

And as the soft
(kashmir) wind
Leaves goosebumps on your skin
A different pair of eyes
Starts to see.

Just for one night
Be free.

Live.
Breathe.
----------

...then I can kind of feel the flow of it better, which is nice, but without the ommitted material it feels too short. I wants more /flow/ out of it, more /buildup/, you know?

So like I said, I think if you tweaked those lines a bit (or added more, even), then you could really jack up the Phwoah factor of the whole ending sequence. Like... a running-drop-kick-to-the-jaw level Phwoah factor. I am quite certain you could really burn a few layers of skin off the reader's face, there, if you were so inclined. ...Yeah.

and that's... yeah, that's pretty much the only thing that stood out to me as being even remotely 'off'. It's a fantastic piece and I've read it over a shameful number of times. So... there ya go - I hope my ramblejam was somewhat helpful at least.